Even there

Psalm 139: 7-12

Where shall I go from  your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

Even there your hand shall lead me,

And your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, ‘Surely the darkness shall cover me,

And the light about me be night.’

Even the darkness is not dark to you;

The night is bright as the day,

For darkness is a light with you.

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There are places that I feel the Lord should not go. 

A place I am embarrassed to take Him. 

The dark parts of my mind, body, soul that I don’t think He should have to be exposed to. 

I sometimes forget that He knows everything.

Made everything.

Is everywhere.

I act like a toddler looking away from Him, believing if I can’t see Him, He can’t see me.

I deny the experiences I want to avoid in an effort to pretend them away.

Maybe if I can’t see them, they don’t exist.

This scripture speaks to the expansiveness of the Lord—from Heaven to Hell, and every space in between, the Lord is there.

Upon the clouds in the sky, and in the depths of the sea…He is there.

There is no place we can escape Him.

And no place we should want to, because of His tender love for us.

When I think about my biggest sins—my biggest mistakes. 

The things I cannot seem to stop doing…even there. He is.

When I think about the biggest wounds—

The pains I ignore and explain away…even there.  He is.

I am grateful to know my God meets me exactly where I am.

He keeps showing up—

In ways and in places I’d honestly rather He didn’t.

But when I see Him there, I am so grateful He is.

It reminds me that He never turns away from me.

It reassures me that there is no sin too great that ever makes Him stop choosing me.

And it comforts me to know that the biggest pains I’ve ever experienced, He is healing and is prepared to comfort me.

If only I’d let Him.

So whatever you are thinking…

Whatever makes you push away from God.

Whatever makes you hide.

The thoughts of, but Crystal you don’t know this…

Or what about ____.

His Word affirms,

I can handle it.

I see it.

Even there, I will go with You.

Until you can rest with Me.

Whatever makes you grip self-sufficiency and tenacity.

The relentless effort and striving to make the world bend to you…

His Word affirms,He walks beside you,

Always ready and willing to take the reigns He has always held.

Ready to step in when you fall apart.

Ready and willing to hold you—

By His right hand.

He is so big…He holds us in His hand.

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I so want to be held by Him.

Even when I push away, there seems to be no greater place than with Him.

No more comforting place.

And yet, I wiggle around struggling to know how to rest in His embrace.

He is patient—letting me wiggle.

Wanting so badly for me to be comfortable with Him.

He will wait….and wait again.

And wait some more.

Even there…

Wherever there is.

So is He.